in the lowest of times,my will and grit reserves are at the lowest, i can't even muster up enough will power and grit to make a difference in my own life. i know i have to cycle, but i end up making all kinds of excuses for it. i also have more fear, i know i have lost my ability for a lot of things, i don't think as fast, i don't run as fast, i give up on things easier, i was told to be more positive. i need to look at the the upside instead of the downsides of things. i know i am trying to grief, trying to put down the old Michael Foong